It's That Time Of The Month Again

When I get time off away from the mindless busy-ness of work, I get this funny feeling. This feeling brings me down & it cuts me deep. Feels like a thin sharp knife slowly pushing its way into where it hurts the most.
When I'm with the people I love, I feel somehow incomplete. This feeling is hard to shake when all of them are either attached or married. It doesn't help when friends tease me & especially when old ladies are asking dumb rhetorical questions or trying to matchmake me.
I'm nice to them & I entertain their good intentions but it doesn't help my self-esteem. What kind of a pathetic messed up dumbass needs the help of old grandmothers to get a girl?

Gone are the days when I can rely on my buds for all my social needs. My soul mate is married. My best friend has a girlfriend. My best bud has a second child on the way. I see people younger than me getting hitched while I... I start to wonder what the bloody is wrong with me? I'm 27 this year & I've been single for such an unbelievably long time. The flabbergasted way that aunties react to my answer to their relationship questions does not help at all.

My excuse is work & I'm really isolated. Time sure flies by when you're far away on some isolated island. Working hard to distract yourself. Getting exhausted so that at the end of the night, I won't have time to think too much or feel the cold darkness of the night. I love what I'm doing & I don't mind being where I am... but sometimes I just wish I had someone to share it with.

Don't ask me to pull a chick from the wilderness where I work. Please. You should know by now what kind of a guy I am. I haven't found a chick here who can connect with me on a deeper level. Perhaps it's the language barrier. Perhaps our backgrounds & values are too different. I don't know if I will be able to get it on with a girl from where the area I work. I want more than just physical attraction. Sex is great & important but it's not everything. I've never developed the taste for meaningless sex.

I'm doing a great job shooting myself in the foot by being extremely picky. I don't get into relationships for fun & break it off when I come across someone better. I find a great chick & I hang on to her. I'm not willing to settle because I want one woman to be all that I will ever need in a woman.
I'm not into second wives or extramarital relationships or divorces. Imbecilic bastardos & insecure nimrods do that. One woman is all I need. Then again, she has to be a great one. Someone who is my equal or maybe more. She's not just the bearer of my children. She fully complements me. I'll know her when I meet her. Then, I'll put a ring on it. Until then, there will be more of... this.

I'm aware that as time goes by the suitable women around my age are getting snapped up like hot cakes. I can't say I haven't tried. I've been that pathetic idiot who sends chicks messages on FB. I've been that random dude who walks up to you in the streets. I've been that dumbass who entertained a greying matchmaker. I've been that heartbroken man betrayed by the women he loved the most. All that shows up on my love report card is a big fat F.

I believe in God & I believe God will provide for me. I am terrified that it'll be years before I actually find her or maybe worse... What if it was never meant to be? Do I have to carry this burden for the rest of my life?
sigh... Let your will be done, oh Lord. You know what's best.
Have mercy on me.

Meanwhile...

Comments

  1. assassin`24/8/12 22:35

    Nice! I like it! yet at the same time, i feel you. i'm sure the time will come when a right woman will appear in front of you. and by then, u will do what's right and what's best. continue to enjoy ur single life while u still can. haha!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah! Enjoy my single life! I plan to make the most of it! =D
      Anyway, thanks for constantly making time for me. Appreciate it.

      Delete
  2. it s not ec to find our true love..but you ve to put effort on it..trust God... (ada jodoh xkan ke mana)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey there, someone new.
      Well, I'm not going to go too far out of my way to meet a girl but I'm willing to meet her halfway.
      I trust God but I'm terrified of His timing. hahaha~~ I guess He'll get it just right. '+

      Delete
    2. God arrange the best 4 u....
      yaa...His timing reli challenge human a lot..i scared it too...:)
      I belif he ll not mistreats you..=) Eternal hope!! fighting k

      Delete
  3. The tone is a lot more mellow and tender (and vulnerable too) than the previous post on your singlehood.. :)

    A great write up. Nice touch with the Eiffel tower picture and words.

    Hang in there.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Everybody is vulnerable when it comes to the matter of hearts.
      I'm hanging on here... have been for the past few years. =)

      Delete
  4. i can totally identify with you. would it help if i say, i too am on the same boat?

    ReplyDelete
  5. I believe you will find your true love one day... Cheer up! :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anonymous25/8/12 12:05

    there you have koko, poh lin is still available... dont be too choosy laaa

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There are too many people who do this to me. When I'm too nice or too close to a girl, they see us as an item & place us in an awkward position where our friendship will never be the same again.
      PohLin is a great friend. I respect her & I'd love to work with her.

      Delete
  7. Awwww good things come to those who wait...
    It's even harder when you are in a relationship with someone who's too far and you cant even hold... cheers!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, at least in that situation, there is a sure thing to look forward to.
      I have nothing. Only blind faith & assurance of others.

      Delete
  8. suddenly thinks of this song--> 黃小琥-沒那麼簡單

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O8--YGYrrh8&playnext=1&list=PL8F65E7C074875534&feature=results_video

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaha~~ That seems more like a breakup song.
      But it's a nice touch. I like the song.

      Delete
  9. Still young... Your time will come. Fools rush in where angels fear to tread...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah.. take my time & go for younger girls right? =)

      Delete
    2. Hey there..it's hard to believe that u have this kind of problem..u seem like a women magnet to me..;) -lisa

      Delete
    3. A common misconception. =)

      Delete
  10. Been there :)
    I met my hubby at 27 and he was 29. We are both each other first bf/gf. Most of the time I can't help but feel that God must be really enjoying himself, watching us anxiously waiting for His right time.

    But the one thing I hold comfort is that His time it the best time and will give the best outcome.

    So head up and enjoy the waiting/perfecting time :)

    ps. Do keep her in your prayer

    GBU
    Pauline

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for sharing your story.
      Fear. That's the key word in my story. It leads to worry. Worry increases with the addition of time. A bad combination.
      Oh well, God knows best.

      Delete
  11. join some social activities..
    get to know more people...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am the centre for social activities in my school.
      In case you didn't notice, I work in the middle of the jungle. I'm here 300 days a year.
      Thanks for the suggestion though.
      =)

      Delete
  12. Heya ! Not sure if you remember me but we went to BL together . Stumbled upon this and was reading this post . Anyway just felt to encourage you to keep doing the good work and be faithful to HIM and He will definitely provide for you ;) HE has made everything beautiful in its time;) ( ecclesiastes) .
    ;) Ai Lin

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, I believe I remember you.
      Thanks for the encouragement! =)

      Delete
  13. Great butt...LOL :) Don't worry you will find the right one, or the right one will find you :)

    May God bless you with just that :)

    ReplyDelete
  14. You'll find someone sooner or later. dont worry..
    Oh ya, 27 is still young what? hehe.. it's supposed to be to 'Hoes over Broes" - One TRee Hill

    ReplyDelete
  15. hey.. i can feel wht u felt whn u posted this entry. i feel the same. we shld chat one day :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah... I believe there are many lonely hearts out there. =)

      Delete
  16. A heart that seeks God isn't a lonely heart. Though there r times whn I wonder if anything is wrong with me too. Yet I learn tht God's timing is the best timing but we shldnt let the opportunity slip us by js bcos of fear. Haha. Perhaps I don't practice wht I preach too. Keep praying for the her. I'm praying for my him too. Just started recently after abandoning the effort of praying for the him for few years. To the eyes of the unbelievers this is foolishness, but I'd rather be a fool for God than to end up with broken marriage or a wrong guy by my side :) letting go of everything in msia n running after my passion in life also is a craziness where nobody truly understands yet after two yrs of doing so, I still see God despite being in my own uncharted spiritual desert right now. Read my chronicles I post on FB status n u will know.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We can never go wrong when we follow our hearts. Even if we fail or fall on our faces, it'll still be worth it because of the journey. The journey is more important than the trophy, no?

      Here's a toast to finding our life partners. Cheers!

      Delete
  17. I guess u know it as well as I am that the heart can be a temptress too, sometimes leading us to make unwise decision. That's probably why God gave us mind to think and the Spirit to lead. Okay, I think I contradict myself, but yeah. A toast to finding the one who complements us. Cheers!

    ReplyDelete

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