Single & Desperate

     That is the cold hard truth. I have been single for 2 years & counting. Not enjoying it though. Honestly, I would love to have an attractive woman wrapped around my arms to share my most intimate thoughts. I do want to be married & I do want to have children.
     It's especially hard to accept your-single-self when your friends are getting married & having kids or you see people 'happily' married with kids on FB. The worst part of all is when you're out with your best buds & they are too busy with their girls to pay any attention to you. Seriously, bros before hos! Leave the beech at home!

     Even for men, age does matter esp when it comes to how you are viewed socially. I do feel the pressure of society. I've had old ladies breathing down my neck about getting married & raising an eyelid whenever I say no when asked if I have a girlfriend. I love you & I know you're doing this because you love me but back off!! I am not about to get married & spawn just because of you & your simplistic ideas. In case you haven't read, divorce rates are rising in Malaysia. Marriage doesn't solve problems.
     I don't want to be rushed & end up as a statistic. This is what I want:

     I want someone to live for. Not someone to be my companion; she's not a dog. Not someone to silence my fear of loneliness; I don't want to dread her presence. Not someone to warm my bed; there will be always be hotter & younger women to shag. And most definitely not because of peer, parental or societal pressure; once that pressure is gone, what next? Children? Gosh~~ Think for yourselves & decide for yourselves. YOU ARE NOT A ROBOT!

     I want someone I can connect with at a deeper level. Someone who is similar to me but with enough differences to keep things interesting.
Physically: someone who likes the outdoors & takes care of nutrition & health.
Emotionally: someone who has a big heart & passionate about what she loves.
Spiritually: someone who loves God & wants to raise her family in a Godly way. Someone who is able to accept all the very silly & stupid things I do for my God.
Intellectually: someone who can see where I'm coming from & be smarter than me yet smart enough to make me think that I'm smarter. Yes, brainy chicks turn me on.
Socially: Someone who compliments me socially & is willing to stand by me through the ups & downs of my social/public life.

     I know that not every relationship is perfect & there needs to be mutual commitment & work to make it pass the test of time. However, it wouldn't hurt to be driven by something more than fear. Fear of loneliness. Fear of old age. Fear of dying alone. Fear of not having kids. Fear of society's views. Humans should never be driven or enslaved by fear. Instead of addressing one fear after another, why not address one goal after another? Why can't we be driven by our dreams & desires? Are we too afraid of getting disappointed? Again, fear.
     Even though I have to wait, I don't mind. Good things come to those who wait.

     I tried to but I found out that I am not able to fool around with women. If I'm not attracted to you, I'm not attracted to you. You may have a hot bod but, if the conditions aren't right, I still won't shag you. I'm around women who expect a long-term relationship instead of a short-term fling. When I don't see a future with her, this mismatch of expectations are really a turn off. I don't know how some guys can easily take advantage of women & pull the disappearing act after a shag.
     I can't do it. I tried... very hard but I just can't get myself to touch let alone consume a fruit without the intention of paying for it.

     I haven't paid for sex but I'm open to the idea. There will be no mismatch of expectations. It's a transaction. However, I just don't want to spoil my virginal concept of sex as a bonding agent between two people in love. I don't want to make paying for sex a habit lest I continue to do it after I have a wife. Just like smoking, doing it again will get easier with every puff. So I shouldn't start. Maybe if I'm old & still single, I'll pay younger women for their time. Meanwhile, I'll just use my charms.

 I guess the #1 reason why I am still single is:
     I work in the middle of the jungle. Literally, IN THE MIDDLE OF A FREAKING JUNGLE! I have to take a boat to get out of that prison. If I try to swim or hike to get out, I will die trying. Just like in prison, there isn't much tail to choose from.
     I am surrounded by hundreds of girls. Every day. But they are all too young for me. Besides, I wouldn't want to cross the student/teacher boundary.
     Female teachers are rare & are guaranteed to have rings on their fingers. The same for female staff. Besides, I'm not a fan of workplace romance. I do not mix work with sex. There will be terrible terrible unforeseen circumstances.
     Local women my age are out of town pursuing studies or working in urban areas. Those who stay behind are either very old, very young or not very bright.

     Being single is not all bad. It frees up a lot of my time, energy, creativity & love for other things. I have poured all of it into my work. I married myself to my work & I adopted the children of the Katibas river as my own. I work with passion, drive & vision towards achieving my goals at work. I have a long list of achievements & I can confidently say that I have left a huge impact in the school & in the lives of the children. They will never be the same again. I might not be able to pour myself into my work so much if I had a woman constantly demanding for my attention. I might even use my woman or family as an excuse to do less work like too many teachers do too often.

     As an individual, I am constantly changing & growing from my experiences. As I progress, my priorities & the general direction of my life change. A relationship requires stability or at least you need the consent of the other party to change. Being single frees me to do anything I want with my life & the possibilities are endless. At this moment, I'm working on a grand plan. One that I probably wouldn't even discover if I was too busy going goo goo gaga over a woman. You cannot imagine how much my grand plan has evolved throughout the years. If a woman were with me throughout the process, she would have been totally frustrated with me.

     I am single & desperate but I am willing to wait. I am definitely not willing to go out of my way to find a woman. If I go out of my way to find one, I'd have to go out of my way to keep that one too, get it? I'm sorry but no woman is worth giving up my soul for. I will continue on the path I have chosen for my life & I shall see who I meet along the way. Who knows? Maybe I'll meet someone special? The important thing is, when I'm with her, I'm a better man. No shopping list of wants can ever produce that. She is not a Christmas present. She is designed by God for me. Two imperfections made perfect in each other.

     However, with age, I will have become more established, more renowned, more successful & making more money. With age, if I'm looking for true love, I do have to be wary of this:

Comments

  1. I will definitely ask my mum to read this....hahaha

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    Replies
    1. Your mom will probably say, "Anei! Stay away from this man. He is baaad for yoooou!"

      Delete
  2. I know someone who fulfills 4 out of your 5 conditions - except the 1st one about being an outdoor person...but unfortunately, it is ME!!!! Muahahahaha!!! Still young, Kam... No worries, it will come when it comes. In the meantime, enjoy your singlehood!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. OMG! I almost vomited while reading your comment! hahaha~~

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  3. There is no perfect match. If one look back at their life, he/she might get married to a person who is the least expected at the least expected time. For me it seems like marriage is pre-planned maybe by God if you believe so.
    The most important thing is that both of you are committed. Mutual respect, trust and do not cheat are the keys. I am sure you will be all right.

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    Replies
    1. You're right, there may not be perfect matches and it takes commitment from both sides to make any relationship work.

      Often people get into relationships for the wrong reasons: based on 'magical' feelings, based on fear or pressure, it's time, etc. That's why when the going gets tough & the dream is shattered, they get divorced or, even worse, become cold partners.

      I'm making a decision early on to make all the hard work in a commitment worthwhile.
      If I don't want to marry this woman, I won't. I will only get married at my own terms when I want to.

      I don't believe that marriage is pre-planned by God, that's another example of 'magical' thinking. God designed plenty of women out there to suit any man. Actually, any woman would do. It's up to us to make it happen & make it work.
      The trick is women want to live in a 'magical' world so that's exactly what I'm going to use to keep my woman happy. But as men, we know better.

      hahahaha~~~
      And yeah, I'll be alright.

      Delete
  4. I am a believer of Einstein relativity theory. There is this forth diemsion which is time. We are stuck in our clock. There are other you and me in other dimension which is either just born or in the old age. Have a nice day.

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    Replies
    1. Okay, different 'me' in different dimensions. I've watched movies about that.
      So how does this relate to love & marriage??

      Delete
  5. Hey, it will be well eventually :) I was single for four years, and then I made my Second Mistake. But this Second Mistake led to an awesome person and made me realise how good I have it now with my current one. So Im pretty sure there is a really good reason why you havent met her yet. Meanwhile, have hope. :)


    xxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Sarah A!
      Hope it is... I usually forget about it when I'm seriously at work.
      It's bad on cold lonely nights & when bastards I call friends decide to bring hos for a bros event.

      Delete
  6. Anonymous15/7/12 20:15

    You totally voiced out my thought..i'm a lady,in my early 20's,single and desperate too. People keep asking why am i still single..i would only smile back and says that the time is yet to come. But deep inside, I'm actually scare that i might wait for too long that i would lose the attractiveness (big problem for a lady!)or I'm just too choosy in picking my partner. At times, I do wonder if the qualities of the dream man that i would love to be with do exist or i'm just living in my very own fairytale,which would never come true in reality.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It really depends on what you want in life. You have to sacrifice something to get something else.

      Do you want your dream man while sacrificing time, youth & risk getting nothing in the end?
      Or, do you want a man, any man & make him into your dream man while sacrificing effort, patience & risk getting nothing in the end?
      Or, do you accept whatever comes your way sacrificing passion & risk ending up regretting your decision (aka getting nothing in the end)?

      I may huff & puff & talk like this now, but I'm just waiting for someone to completely blow me away.
      I'm looking for love. Not a business merger.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous25/5/14 02:42

      I have been single for 11 years and I was happy, now it's taking the Mick. Not desperate though but your article is so true even from a womans view.

      Delete
    3. Maybe I'm actually a woman on the inside! Yikes!!

      Delete
  7. As someone on the wrong side of 25 (on the very wrongest side possible, sigh) I believe that marriage these days is overrated. Maybe it's also to do with my independent (ok fine, selfish!) mindset of not wanting to be held back by someone who isn't worthy of my time -- I have so many things to do and not enough time in the day to do them all, much less worry about whether or not I'm spending enough time with a boyfriend.

    But just a thought from what you said... should you want to live for someone else? Being selfless is one thing but I always like self-love better: the type that includes loving yourself and everyone around you who's important to you. Generally, good things follow!

    Anyway good on you for having the openness to share so much of yourself; I'm sure we all could use a dose of honesty once in a while. Gives us all food for thought.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I do not think that marriage is overrated.
      To have someone devoted to you until death is something very romantic & very powerful indeed. It is a solid foundation from which to launch powerful missions in the world knowing that, even if you lose everything, there is someone there to rebuild with you. Someone who sees you & not all the temporary things in the world.

      I love myself.
      I obviously do. But I am also looking for someone worthy or all of my love. I am ready to be selfless for someone who cares about me too. I'm sure women trump men any time when it comes to selfless love.

      Please don't harden yourself from the simple dreams that can set you free & keep you going in life.

      Delete
  8. Im scared shit to be in one now. Haha!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Didn't you read what I said about fear ruling over everyone?
      GO OUT & OVERCOME FEAR!

      Delete
  9. FYI, there are number of S&Ds at your neighboring jungle :P

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    Replies
    1. Then, we cry to the full moon together on Valentine's Day & hunt married people for sport.

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    2. Muahahha..thankfully, valentine's 2013 falls on CNY. Wee~!

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    3. Then all my friends will be busy. hmmm~~

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  10. Favourite line:

    "Spiritually: someone who loves God & wants to raise her family in a Godly way. Someone who is able to accept all the very silly & stupid things I do for my God."

    Liking how this is very important. Hang in there. The good Lord will provide in due time. :) (Prov 3:5-6)

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    Replies
    1. God is the foundation of every good thing in my life.
      I need a woman who understands that & will never criticise my devotion to my God.
      =)

      Delete
    2. I totally understand and relate to your convictions. :) Just to continue encouraging you;

      "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." - Matthew 6:33

      Delete
    3. Well, you could back up your words with some action... Send a few girls my way!
      hahaha~~~

      Delete
    4. Ahahaha :) hmmmm.. interesting challenge there and a tough one... **puts thinking cap on**

      I'm also going to throw the challenge back to you to send a few guys my way too! ;)

      Delete
  11. Kam you are a good man...
    I am sure there are lots of girls dieing for you.. :)
    Just only you have not find your Ms Right...

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    Replies
    1. Not sure about your first statement. People always say that when they think about me but it's far from the truth.
      I'm as lonely as any man. =)

      Delete
  12. Its hard to find good girls now.
    Girls say the same thing about boys.

    I went thru break ups twice. And then it came to my mind that I'm just not ready to fulfill the commitment as a husband.

    Money..huh..seriously men have to think alot!

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    Replies
    1. When I meet the right woman, I'll know. Then, I won't think about it, I'll just do it.

      Delete
  13. in His time, in His place,
    you shall find the one He placed in your life for His purpose.
    Till then, just do your best and let God handle the rest~ As cheesy as that sound, its a great phrase to live by :)

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  14. take your time. Its never too late to find true love and the REAL person for you. Good luck!

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  15. Awww.. Likey this post! :) glad that u are willing to wait for God's timing.. Funny how I blogged a lil abt this the other day.. :) haha.. Love how u express urself in ur posts lah! I still havent got over ur hot nurse entry.. :P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahahaha~~~ More eye-opening posts to come!

      Delete
  16. Aww, I hear you!I have no worries regarding being single though I get a constant reminder of that fact every time wedding bells went chiming on my fb news feed.
    I believe what will happen will happen eventually, not us going all out to find love but for love to find us. I'm a hopeless romantic, I know. :p Btw,I love that speech bubble that says "Single because I'm too busy changing the world"Haha..At least, that's what I'd like to think I'm doing. Now time to get going with a more serious thing- finding a thesis topic!

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  17. like this post..emmm for me while chemistry and attraction are no doubt important,character precedes them both. Afamous quote follows "chemistry ignites the fire,but charater keep it burning". The ideaof falling 'in love' should never be the sole reason for merrying someone..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I can see why you say that. Being with a good, mature person can really help the relationship last. Then again, relationships work & don't work for 101 reasons.

      The wonderful thing about women is they are willing to change for their man. Some character traits can be acquired & perfected over time. They are also usually the one who will sacrifice to keep the relationship going.

      Men on the other hand will be more resistant to change so the woman will have to be more crafty & cunning in her ways. So all I need now is a spark to get things going & then we'll take it from there. A journey of a thousand miles begins with 1 step.

      Delete
  18. we same in this journey. A journey very difficult for me but not for u, cause a man..

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    Replies
    1. I admit, a man has little to worry about compared to a lady. But who knows? Life is full of surprises. A positive & happy lady will always attract the right attention. =)

      Delete

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