In My Heart, I Really Want To Transfer

My transfer application.
This afternoon, I was at my PPD to pursue an urgent letter they have not sent to my school. I needed this letter urgently to attend a meeting in Melaka next week &, with all the arrangements I have to make, I did not appreciate the delay.

One of the officers walked by & said, "Cikgu Yong, jangan pindah lagi ya?" I looked at him for a moment to see if he was joking. He didn't look like he was joking. He could very well have been the officer assigned to handle transfers. I figured that if he had already made up his mind, there would be no point for me to reason with him. I was, after all, a mere statistic to him. I said hi, shook his hand politely but didn't say anything. He asked the question again. This time it seemed more like a statement. I took my letter, said my good byes & left.

Yes, I applied for transfer. This is my second application. I did the first one last year. I only applied at the end of the year because I wanted to do finish off the year properly before moving on. Somehow I feel that good people will always be the victim of their own goodness. Those useless or 'bad' teachers get transferred quicker. Should I become one of those in order to get a transfer? It is definitely much easier than what I'm doing now.

As I left the PPD, I couldn't help but feel a deep sorrow in a hidden part of my heart. I have pushed my feelings deep deep inside. Now that the bruise was rubbed, the sorrow lingers. It's a familiar feeling I get when I realise that I have to spend yet another year here. Right then, I knew. In my heart, I really wanted to transfer.

You think that I'm cruising & triumphant. But this is what I actually do every day.
People might think that I'm a happy positive camper but only those with true discernment will know... I'm loving what I do instead of doing what I love. I'm making lemonade because life has given me lemons. I'm promoting what I love, instead of bashing what I hate. I'm making the best of what little I have &, praise the Lord, I've managed to turn many tragedies into triumphs & achieve much more than those who came before me & perhaps even more than some of those who are better equipped.

The main reason I want to go is because I feel that this is no longer a conducive place for a teacher like me. I didn't always feel like this. I remember my first 2 years with great fondness. I worked even harder during those years but the work seemed light & everybody was working together. Then, came the 2 darkest years of my career. I slaved & slaved. Yet, I got undermined, abandoned, slandered & attacked as I pushed forward, with all my might, my personal ideals.

After that, I realised that I was resisting what this school has become. It has changed. I was trying to change it back to what it was & the utopian paradise it could have been. The worst thing is... as time goes by, I am changing with it... and not for the better. I am like a piece of coal. I am passionate & I generate a lot of heat. I can warm a lot of other coal pieces. However, the coal pieces which surround me will eventually influence my flame. Maybe even put it out.

I also feel like I am not welcome here. The local teachers whom I used to share 'happy' beverages & BBQs with, now, treat me with disdain. I don't know why. Maybe it's my race. Maybe it's because I chose to spend less time partying with them in order to spend more time working with the students. I never asked. However, I've always been friendly & I've always greeted everyone. Many of them just stopped reciprocating. Some can't even give me eye contact. Still, I treat everyone here as friendly as the first day I came to school.

I do what I think is right.
I do it with all my might.
I never back down from a righteous fight.
I am nothing but a common knight.
I have always believed in God's will. Some call it destiny. I know that I am here for a reason. I'm not sure what that reason is but it does not necessarily have to be something that I desire or understand.

At a moment of spiritual high, many Christians pray, "use me, oh Lord, to do your will." Yet they forget that this world has become so corrupted that God's will becomes so hard that even Jesus, in a moment of weakness, said, "Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me." Before soldiering up & saying, "yet not my will, but yours be done."

After 5 years of blood & sweat, I think I more than deserve a transfer. I am very ambitious. I desire to be at a school where I can perform at my best. Where I can learn from the best & hone my skills. I dream of being one of the top teachers in Sarawak. I want to support budding teachers & nudge them towards being better than me. Yet doing God's work is not easy & humility is a bitter pill to swallow.

The wonderful first 2 years of my service was God's bait to keep me hooked on teaching. I still hang on to the memories as proof that nothing is more meaningful than teaching. At the moment, I am in the 3rd year of a refining process. If I am kept here for another year, there must be something special in store for me. Something that only I can do. God is full of surprises. This year has been full of surprises. I never asked for the recognition that I received all these years. All that I ask is to be set free to make a real difference instead the usual bureaucratic pretence in black & white.

My heart really wants a transfer. But if I'm going to be here for another year, do pray that this bleeding knight in dented armour shall have the courage to do what is right.

Reason for transfer.

Comments

  1. I'm always amazed at how you fill in the posting form. And your reason for transfer was nicely put into words too. Brings the motivation to those who reads it.

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    Replies
    1. Really? Wow. I didn't know that it would be motivating. I put in a lot of effort into the ulasan. Thanks bro.

      Delete
  2. Anonymous4/10/13 21:25

    Do it with faith and remember... God is alwayd listen to a humble prayer. :)
    Seek and you shall find, ask and you shall receive, knock and the door will be opened for you.

    :)

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  3. Anonymous4/10/13 21:48

    Never read anything as near as your reason. Most are excuses to generate sympathy but yours are totally on professional account. Hope u got the transfer.

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  4. I hope your wish will come true. Wherever we are, we are there on God's will. He has planned everything for us, so just lay back and relax. Wherever you are,God is watching over you.

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  5. Anonymous4/10/13 22:06

    I think i may understand your situation. Just keep up that good work of yours. Your students do need teachers like you. But do hope you'l get your transfer too.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I pray that you'll get transferred soon, if you think that a transfer is better. You're doing God's work so I'm sure He'll never leave you out. He has planned something real good for you :)

    Bon courage et bonne chance, rider of the ├ętalon blanc!

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  7. Sort of reminds me of 2 Tim 4:6 "For I am already being poured out as a drink offering, and the time of my departure has come. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the course, I have kept the faith.." although usually people use it for gravestones. There's always a reward for faithfulness. I hope there will be peace in your heart :)

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    1. Indeed. I do feel like I have finished the course. Let's see if I can move on to the next phase of my career.

      Delete
  8. God willing, your prayer will be answered. Fingers crossed, hope you will get what you want. You sure do deserve something better, a lot better. Keep it up! Cheers!

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    Replies
    1. Thanks, Arthur! I'll keep making the best of what I have. =)

      Delete
  9. I applied for a transfer for the first time this year. Reason being I wanted to be closer to my current place and also to save the hassle of a long journey to school. However, deep down that is not the main reason, I have realised. Like you, the school (or the admin more like it) has changed me into someone that I am not. And at one point, I realised that I have become too complacent which scares me.

    So yeah, a change would do me good and I really hope we both get what we want.

    Good Luck Jarod and keep on burning the torch!

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  10. Dear yong,
    I've been in the same situation as you for the past 5 years, this is my 6th year in the same school. Your journey in the same school is as challenging as mine, if not more. I've started apply for transfer since my first year to matriculation and back to the best school in my home town, reason being the bad management of the school. Then the change in principal and PK1 in my 4th year making my work more enjoyable. Important post became my post, and like you, I do it with all my heart. Therefore when I applied for transfer on that year end, because I thought I have given my best to the school, the PPD held up my transfer for another year. I know this by calling PPD of my transfer choice, they said they never received my letter.
    Like you, I applied for transfer at year end, and I do the same again this year, keep my fingers crossed for the best result.
    Here I hope God will listen to your deepest desire and make it comes true.
    like an old saying, "you shall receive what you desire.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Kevin, thank you so much for serving in a remote area in Sabah. Your work will not be forgotten. God will bless you for it. =)
      Anyway, I hope that you will get your transfer too.

      Delete
  11. hope you get your transfer little brother but if u don't...maybe GOD has other plans for you. HE knows what is best for u...please have faith in HIM. i know you are a good teacher and you have done a lot...there are time when we feel that we are not being appreciated but take it as a challenge. i have been in this profession for 18 years and have been teaching in many places...the scenarios are all the same. those who work hard will not be liked by many. I have been in your situation...

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    Replies
    1. It's sad to know that I don't have much to look forward to in my career. Teaching is indeed not for the weak.

      Delete
    2. Velink Patronus6/10/13 06:36

      And yet if you are transferred home, at least you are with your friends and family... that would make things goes by easier...

      Delete
    3. I'm not asking to be transferred home. I am asking for the best district in Sarawak because I want to spend my next 5 years immersed in a place that is consistently able to produce excellence academic achievement. I want to learn how & why because I want to replicate it elsewhere.

      Delete
  12. Anonymous5/10/13 21:40

    Have read few of your entries in the past. So, the different flavor in this one...=) I don't have much experiences to share and am not good with words but this' just my 2 cents. Seems like u believe in God's will, so if you really don't get that transfer, trust me at the end of it you'll find out why they say 'it's when you are hardest hit that you must not quit'. Plus, you quoted from the Bible. So, you should be alright. The one that kicked me out of my own dark pit was a verse from the Quran. It says something like 'the ones who give up on His mercy and grace are those who don't believe in Him'. Nice to see that even this entry ends with a more positive note though. You'll be alright.

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    1. Thanks for the reassurance. Indeed. If I do not get a transfer, I will soldier on & I'll be alright. =)

      p/s: There is plenty of wisdom in the teachings of the Quran & many great men. Wisdom is universal. Salvation, however, is a whole different matter to me.

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  13. Jarod, you are an inspiration to so many whether you may realise it or not. Praying He'll grant you much strength, grace, wisdom, and opportunities for this season and the seasons to come. :)

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, Crystal! Always, what I need the most is Prayer. =)

      Delete
  14. great teacher is always needed..u r the one..hope luck being surround you this time..gud luck cikgu Yong :)

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  15. Im sorry ...lately seldom open my blog
    When im reading ur post, feel like wanna crying,
    not because i feel pity...
    life is so unfair..
    penuh dengan kecemburuan, ketidakadilan....
    we din't get what we deserve to...
    when we did a good job...others will push us away..when they need us then they just will pretend good in front of us...
    Getting Fed up to be good all the time...
    but my lecturer told me : Dont give up...show it up...bcz for those who push u away does not need u...just think about next generation..
    dont u feel pity if our children teach by that kind of people...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I feel for you. I guess you are in a challenging position. I hope that you wont give up so that together we can both be strong.

      Actually, from what we can see now, we think that life is unfair.
      The thing is life is a game & it rewards the best players. Hard workers think that working hard will solve all problems. No, it does not. If hard workers are able to add a little bit of smart & strategy, they can conquer the world.

      We need to master the game in order to WIN. I am still learning the game & am I enjoying it. I am improving & getting better at it as time goes by. I will often be limited & I will often make mistakes. But one day, I dream of being unstoppable.

      Delete
    2. like the way u are..the way u think....
      i almost crying alone....getting disappointed when faced with this kind of situation...
      feel lazy to do more...cz at last they are the one who receive the rewards not me....
      im try to talk with my lect..she really feels for me...i can see her tears although she din drop it out....she just ask me not to give up....cz they are not the one who need me...
      is our children....our next generation...
      well...im really hope both of us can win the games... U are my hero...seriously u are my role model..keep it up... The school is so lucky to have teacher like u Mr.Yong... God ve better plan for u...

      Delete
    3. I really hate it when people say that students need us. Obviously, they do. But what about what TEACHERS need? Nobody cares about that. NOBODY.

      You have to take a serious look at this profession & whether you want to continue. There are plenty of other professions or business which can give us the same fulfilment we get from helping people.

      Anyway, I would encourage you to continue being a teacher because it is not for the weak. It is the ultimate proof of a person's genius & the ultimate test of a person's abilities.

      As for you, I don't know what you are experiencing. But I have had my own tough times where people use me or back-stab me. My advise is learn to be smart and PRIORITISE. Anything that is not important or interesting to you, learn to say NO politely.

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    4. well....u ve highlight one main point - learn to say NO politely.
      that is my weakness..always help til burden myself... but no one appreciate it..
      TEACHERS NEED...seems like nobody cn answer n give it....
      as teachers, we born to sacrifice...well....u ve ur tough times n u go through it...just think am i will be smart enough like u..
      actually teaching is not what i want..but im slowly fall in love with it seems god ve arrange it for me, sure He got his own reason...

      Delete
    5. That's great! There is a lot of good that can be done in teaching & I'm glad that you can see that! =)
      Since this is your chosen path, soldier up & face the challenges knowing that there is a good God backing you up!

      Delete
    6. thanks...sorry if i cant give any ideas, advice to comfort u..u are the one who lead me... here we go...
      a tough games to play...treat it like futsal....aim de goal

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    7. Don't apologise. It is not your duty to comfort me. But the thought itself is a big help already. Thank you. =)

      Delete
  16. hello there :)...how are you doing?..i totally feel you in this one..last month when i submitted the transfer form and met my principal for a face to face appeal , she said it right to my face that she will not sign my form for this year..right then i feel the door closed right in front of my face..thinking with a heavy heart, another whole year here again..i totally feel like that guy in the picture of the well in this post of yours, looking for a way out..and really, i agree when u said that teachers with so called "problems" have better chances of a transfer, as even my principal told me that she signed their transfer forms straightaway...hmm..does that mean we have to create a bad record of ourself?...sigh...the real world does hurt and is very, very cruel :'(...anyways, all the best and never stop applying for a transfer :)...(p.s. sorry i kinda wrote a mouthful over here...huhuu..) - lisa

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    Replies
    1. I'm doing much better. Recently, I heard a sermon about appreciating what God has given us & I feel better now. And I am at a better frame of mind for allowing Him to use me to do good in a place of great darkness.

      How long have you been serving at your school? If it's not more than 4 years, I myself will scold you & give you a nice slap.
      If you've already served more than 4 years, perhaps it is time you learned to twist your principal's arm instead of being docile all the time. Do it with grace. Do it with intelligence. Be the angel with the skills of the devil. Innocent as a dove, shrewd as a fox.

      For now, let me hug you & comfort you. ***hugs***

      Delete
  17. hahaa..."innocent as a dove, shrewd as a fox"...great words!! hehe..well i try not to be rude but in the same time i try to plan a way out..hahaa :p..i notice my principal was starting to be overly nice towards me after that, saying things like "anything for me" especially when applying for crk..but i take it as "ada udang di sebalik batu"..totally couldnt be trusted! haha. i was posted a year after you, so i am in my fourth year this year...hehe...i would consider it to be as an already okay time to apply for transfer already ;D ;D...so yeah i will keep on trying again :).

    and yes, i believe that everything always happens for a reason and God always has better plans for us..there may just be a silver lining in each cloud..nways, thanks for the virtual hug! ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are very mature. I like that. And 4 years is the right time to apply.
      Anyway, if the conditions are right, I would love to give you a real hug. We both need it. ;)

      Delete

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