I Miss the Boys

When I first come... in school.
I was warmly welcomed & taken in by this group of men.
They would smile at me, chat with me & respond to greetings warmly.
Their friendliness really kept me going & helped me adapt to this foreign & frustrating place.

They have my gratitude & their friendliness has left me with great impressions.
However, I am no fool. I never expected such a high level of affection to last.
Neither did I expect such a significant drop in affability I experience today.
After 1 month since I first came.

It’s strange that people who used to smile at you & look you in the eye when talking to you suddenly decide to avoid your gaze & only speak to you only when they have to without hiding the fact that they don’t enjoy doing so.
It’s strange that it should happen at varying degrees with every one of you all at the same time.

Could it be something I said? Or was it something I've done?
Could it be that I have stepped on toes that I know not of?
Could it be certain ‘bad’ people that I have been spending time with?

What have I done?
I wish I could ask directly. But if I do, I know that I will only make matters worse.
I used to enjoy being with you guys. But now I feel excluded even when I’m alone with only one of you.

These are people that I hold dear in my heart.
I guess it is time for me to detach myself.
At times like these you miss coming home to an apartment full of boys ready to make the night seem like day.
Nobody can ever replace them.


  1. be brave and ask them, sometimes things will get worsen just because you keep them in your heart. (it burdens your feelings and emotion).

    Ask them the things that they are not satisfied with you.

    or you can just ignore them and act as if you don't realise any change.

  2. yeah, if u keep it, it will only make things worse. even if u guys wont be as close as before, u wont feel disapointed for a long time. believe me, because of this kind of thing, i lost my bestfriend once, n im not going to let others feel it. it sucks!

    but if u already ask and they still act the same, leave them. u are better off with others who appreciate u.

  3. Anonymous3/3/09 08:23

    hugs. do what you think is best.


  4. wah.

    the boys will feel sgt terharu with this post. :)

    agree with nisa', do what you think is the best.

  5. totally understand what you feel man.. take it slow.. i am sure god has an answer to that..

    maybe there were rumors going about or gossips? just a thought anyways

  6. huhu. tk cre jarod. i will keep telling u this 'think of march', 'think of Friday the 13th'.

  7. that's why we should start our own private school. we can call it 'Cohort 2 Boys International School' or whatever.

    ...and put me in charge of extracurricular activities. hahah

  8. erm...
    it seems like you're havin' a quite strange time right there..

  9. yeah bro...i feel the same way as u do...really miss the good ol time...

  10. ouchhh. that really hurts. i wont say anything because u should really do what you think is the best for everyone. trust me, we can never please every single person. =) be strong! i know u'r tough! *hugs*

  11. take care koko'.

    maybe you should let it be for a while, see where it goes. often times, the reason will reveal by itself.

  12. Take care there Koko.. I sure u will be able to cope with it sooner or later.. :)

  13. awww Koko,

    Hope all is well with you! =) Stay positive and strong ya!

  14. Anonymous6/3/09 10:33

    hey lets meet up at pangkor 4 a weekend bro, during the hols. i think i get wat ur sayin, let me know wen ur out of the ghetto.

  15. Anonymous6/3/09 10:34

    hahah, sorry not pangkor, TIOMAN

  16. Warid:
    This disappointment is not a burden to me.
    I will not hold a grudge against them.

    I will give the situation time to settle first without any direct mediation.
    Then I will reattempt relations.

    They are not my best friends but they are good ppl.
    I hope that this situation will not last.
    I will observe the situation before deciding to do something as confrontational as suggested by you & Warid.

    Thanks, Nisa!

    Those were the days...

    Yeah... office politics.


    I concur. Let’s save all our salaries & start a specialist education centre.

    Strange & complicated.

    Esp miss BIG TWO!

    You’re right. We cant please everyone.
    So let’s just please ourselves!

    That’s exactly what I will do!

    Thanks, Jess!

    I will!

    Why don’t we do it in June?
    I’ll be in KL for the whole duration of the holiday!

  17. Anonymous6/3/09 17:42

    no wonder you texted me about some random stuff the other day,
    you missed me!!

    it's ok that you're gay (referring to your previous post),
    as long as you don't like me ;D

  18. i'm all ears, all the way. =)

  19. Ali G:
    How can I be gay & NOT like you?
    You are THE gay magnet!

    Thanks for your support, dear!

  20. Aww~ There's pic of me!
    Seriously, I agree with Najib, lets start our own school! I'll teach P.E.


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