Monday, March 2

I Miss the Boys

When I first come... in school.
I was warmly welcomed & taken in by this group of men.
They would smile at me, chat with me & respond to greetings warmly.
Their friendliness really kept me going & helped me adapt to this foreign & frustrating place.

They have my gratitude & their friendliness has left me with great impressions.
However, I am no fool. I never expected such a high level of affection to last.
Neither did I expect such a significant drop in affability I experience today.
After 1 month since I first came.

It’s strange that people who used to smile at you & look you in the eye when talking to you suddenly decide to avoid your gaze & only speak to you only when they have to without hiding the fact that they don’t enjoy doing so.
It’s strange that it should happen at varying degrees with every one of you all at the same time.

Could it be something I said? Or was it something I've done?
Could it be that I have stepped on toes that I know not of?
Could it be certain ‘bad’ people that I have been spending time with?

What have I done?
I wish I could ask directly. But if I do, I know that I will only make matters worse.
I used to enjoy being with you guys. But now I feel excluded even when I’m alone with only one of you.

These are people that I hold dear in my heart.
I guess it is time for me to detach myself.
At times like these you miss coming home to an apartment full of boys ready to make the night seem like day.
Nobody can ever replace them.

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