Wednesday, January 30

Loneliness: Is There A Cure?

taken from unswphotoclub.org

How many of you feel the emptiness in your soul after losing someone you cherish?
Either from death or the ending of a relationship...
If there were memories to hold on to & cherish the other person for, there will be some form of manisfestation of the lacking of this individual who once filled this vacuum in your heart...
As for me, the manisfestation is pain & loneliness...

Pain & loneliness for my grandfather when he left this Earth many years ago...
Though a long time ago, I still feel the loss today...
Although not very often, the memories, when brought back, bring a bittersweet sensation...
I remember the days I spent with him as a young boy...
He was my role model...
I saw how he managed his family... he was a very wise man who had peace with his wife...
During my Primary School years, he combed my hair every morning & said that I should always be neat & tidy... I even used his "old-man" hair products...
When he had business to do around town... He would take me with him in his big car...
I do miss him... very much...

Nowadays, more often than I thought I would... I feel a strong loss for someone that I shared a intimate relationship with...
She was amazing...
I love the way she talked & the way she would pout... it takes my heart away...
I like the way she looked... Her hair & her clothes were such a turn on to me...
Her voice & her laugh wards of all fears, doubts & insecurities... I felt peace...
I would take my time holding her, feeling her skin... I felt at home... safe...
There were many disputes & differences but like the pieces to a puzzle... when you find that perfect fit, you also find a heavenly release...

Distance, time & money became the gap between us...
I like her very much and would love to have her in my life... I think she does too...
but too much stands between us...
so strings have to be detatched...
hearts left lonely...
She proposed... I consented... apart we became... mutual termination...
I regret that the time I cherished her most was when I lost her...
Somehow I became dependent on her... I need her to survive...

~~~~~
Why do we feel such attatchments?
Why cant moving on be an easy & simple thing?
Perhaps it is because of our need for hope, our need for love & our need for peace...
Just like other pleasures in life, these can become addictive...
Relationships that provide us these things can make us dependant on them...

Or is it because of the memories...
The things we've been through for each other...
The sweat, the pain & the blood we have given for each other...
The sweetness, the pleasure & the protection we gave each other...
Our history & kinship as we develop our relationship makes us appreciate it more...

For me it's a mixture of both...
My grandpa & my ex-girlfriend gave me a sense of peace, hope & love...
i know they'll be there for me... they care for me... i feel comfortable when i'm with them...
I need them...
Furthermore, my relationship with my grandpa & my ex-girlfriend involved work & sacrifice on both my part & the other person's.
This work & sacrifice is imprinted in my memories along with the sweet fruits of the relationship...
I cherish our relationship...

~~~~~
When I think about my grandfather & my ex, I feel happy... yet sad at the same time...
Can I PLEASE have one without the other?
I just want to be happy... and feel less of the sadness...

This may work with someone who is deceased...
with time, the pain will fade away because you know there is nothing you can do...
With these memories... one day I can just plainly be happy.

But it could be different in a severed boy-girl relationship...
there is always something you can do to make up as long as that person is still alive...
this fact can keep you up at night & take away your ability to function normally...
Can the memories of her be more like butterflies fluttering around than ghosts haunting your every thought & move?

Can it?
What does it take to let go?

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